Instead of staying in Austin for our day off, we drove to San Antonio. I think one of the goals of touring should be some kind of recon. You can look all day and night through myspace page after myspace page and try and find the on-line city paper for each city to locate venues for shows but sometimes you need to be in that city and go to the bars and venues and ask around. On-line, you’re just another dip-shit to these people:

“Hello! This is Jason from Red Collar! We’re touring to support our new album and our routing takes us through ____________ on _____________ and we’d heard great things about ___________. Here’s our myspace:

www.myspace.com/redcollarmusic

I look forward to you ignoring me.

Thank you,

Jason”

But live and in person, you pray that the booking person is there so you can give them a disk. You start to find out what night is best for what club ($2 pitcher nights on Tuesday? Sold!) and why you should stay away from club such-and-such ($10 PBR Pitcher Night? Eh?). San Antonio worked liked that a little bit for us even though we didn’t have a show there. So did Cleveland even though we had a show there but the show was scratched.

In San Antonio, Jon went to the Alamo and the rest of us wandered around. It was my birthday and Beth and I have this birthday rule that says you get to do whatever you want, no questions asked. By touring with Red Collar, I was already doing what I wanted so everything else was gravy. I REALLY wanted to go to the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum but it was ridiculously expensive. As a kid, I loved, LOVED the Jack Palance shows. Combined with an unhealthy need to read all of the Alfred Hitchcok Present’s at the Cambria County Library, I’m surprised Red Collar isn’t a goth band.

We managed to wiggle our way into San Antonio’s version of Seattle’s Space Needle or Sky Needle or whatever the hell is/was on the SuperSonics jerseys. I haven’t kept up with the NBA since Detlef Shrempf. I really wanted a beer and San Antonio has this upscale walkway through this snaking man-made river. I wanted a beer and we went into a place called Dick’s. I’ve never been but when I sat down, I made the connection of what this place was.

Man, those places are really, really irritating.

I wanted ice cream but we could only find a Haagen Das. Local ice cream shops are always better (and much, much more grateful for your business) but I couldn’t find a local. So I went in to the Haagen Das and asked them who their competition was:

“Uh…Ice Cream Dan’s I guess (or some such name)”

“Is it good?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty good”

“Do you know where it is?”

Indeed he did and indeed we went. The kids working there were not only not dressed in a uniform but they were dressed like they might go to see a rock show every so often. I asked them if they had advice on where to play and they did. We made a mental note of the venue and moved on. Maybe it’ll work out later for us at that venue or maybe not. But even though it was an off night, I felt good that we at least did some work and got something out of it.

___________________________________

In a fifteen-passenger van, there are four seats going width-wise in the cab: first, second, third and fourth positions. These seats are wide enough for three people to sit or, in the case of Red Collar, for one person to lie.

Starting at the front of our van are obviously the Driver and Passenger seats. Behind them is the first position seat. We took out the second position seat opening up the middle of the van. Removing the second seat allows about a five-foot by six-foot section on the floor that contains boxes with stockpiled T-Shirts as well as non-perishable food from Costco (Oodles of Noodles, oatmeal, energy bars, dried fruit and nut mixes) and whatever crap Jon and I buy at Thrift Stores and Pawn Shops. Actually, vans are not quite six feet wide. It’s ‘almost’ six feet wide. I know this fact because Jon and I are six feet tall and lying width-wise, we can’t stretch out in the van. It’s not comfortable though not quite uncomfortable. It’s something else.

We kept the third position seat intact. When you sit in the third position, it seems like your band mates are a football stadium away from you because of this gully of boxes and sleeping bags between you. Like most bands, we took fourth position out for our musical gear. Because of Beth’s bass cab, it’s not quite enough room for everything. If we had just another half foot, we’d be able to store all of our gear in the back. As it is, we still have to shove some guitars in the main cab section. In the next week of so, I’ll be MacGuyvering it by adjusting that last seat and adding some shades.

By this approximate half-way point in the tour in San Antonio, we slept in the van at least a handful of times, maybe even two handfuls. Each night, our routine required that we move the boxes and guitars from the second position to the Driver and Passenger seat. We then spread out a blanket and sleeping bags in the second section. Beth and I slept on the floor, Jon in first and Mike in third.

How was it? It wasn’t terrible but then again it was Spring and generally beautiful everywhere we went.

Different scenario: This Winter, we slept in the van at a truck stop. It was fifteen degrees outside. That was…uh…uncomfortable. At that time, we had our seats in the first and second positions giving us a lot more room for our gear in the third and fourth positions. But it was an inefficient use of space. Someone had to sleep in the Passenger seat. Not good. You can nap in the Passenger seat. You shouldn’t sleep in the passenger seat. By moving equipment around, I was able to sleep in the very back, the seat-less fourth position. I can say from experience, the back door is not insulated well from drafts. I also understand that vans were not necessarily meant for people to sleep in them. Gotta do with what you got.

A couple of things resulted from that particular Winter night:

1. We permanently changed the seat positioning to open up the middle
2. I made a vow to stop at the next Coleman Outlet store for a decent sleeping bag
3. I made Gold Boots v2.0

Because of the spur attachment, Gold Boots v1.0 were not easy to take off. After shows, it would take some kicking and readjusting to finally remove them but on that freezing night, I didn’t want to be outside kicking and readjusting and there wasn’t enough room in the van to do it. Spurs are also not good footwear in a sleeping bag. I ended up unzipping the bag at the bottom so my boots were sticking out. I have since corrected this ordeal with my new Gold Boots v2.0.

I swear I can run faster and jump higher in them too.

I’m pretty convinced that I have to put an RV fan in the roof of the van. This summer is going to be murder if we don’t have some way of circulating the air at night. Fans don’t use much battery power and if I can tap them into the rear light, I bet it might alleviate some of the heat. I’ve never done it before so if any of you have experience, advice would be appreciated.

How is it sleeping in the van? Everyone has their own personal take on it. I didn’t mind it but then again, it was Spring time. At times, I actually like sleeping in the van just as some like sleeping in a tent. People will invite us to stay with them and I feel badly if they have cats and I say “Thanks but I’m sleeping in the van” (I’m allergic). They probably think I’m full of shit when I say that I like sleeping there but it’s true. Invitations to stay at someone’s house are always nice, regardless if we stay in the house or not, because there’s a place to shower and also I’m not worried about safety.

How about everyone else in Red Collar? Well Jon, Mike and I provide Beth with a Soothing Symphony of Beethoven’s Fifth Snore. I try and eliminate my snore by wearing a nose strip that I think eliminates 20% of my snore*. I also try and sleep on my side but the hard floor of the van isn’t the most comfortable for one’s hips and so I assume I collapse to my back shortly after someone nudges me to my side. Actually, I don’t assume, I know it. I personally wouldn’t know if doing all this helps that much with my snoring because I not only wear my Rock Show earplugs but industrial strength headphones as well. I don’t want to hear shit when I’m sleeping.

Mike sleeps late. Jon gets up early-ish. I don’t know if Beth sleeps that much. I’d guess that we get between six and eight hours a night, depending if the garbage trucks wake us up. I usually catch a nap on the drive to the venue.

We have a habit of driving to the next city after the show is over as opposed to staying the night. I’m kinda rattled after shows and can’t get to bed though I don’t want to stay at the bar and give them the money they just gave me. I also don’t particularly want to ‘party’. When we stayed at a friendly’s or stranger’s house, we usually just went back to their place and talked or had something to eat. In Murfreesboro, our host asked if we wanted to go have a couple beers at a friend’s place but it was the night after the CD Release show and I was exhausted. That particular Murfreesboro show was the hardest one I ever had to play and it was only a twenty-five minute set with six other SXSW bound bands. I guess were just wiped from the CD Release show and then an eight or nine hour drive. Grueling. Should’ve hydrated better.

Over the twenty-six day tour, we slept in the van maybe fifteen times. We stayed at a hotel three times and we’re hosted at a stranger’s house or friendly’s house the rest of the time. As we keep on hitting the same cities, I hope we meet some generous folks who don’t mind us staying at their place and sincerely, thank you to all who let us stay at their place.

Or they at least let me sleep in a van outside their place.

God, that sounds creepy.

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Friendly vs. Stranger. On this trip, we stayed at my Sister’s, my In-Law’s, my Parent’s, my old room-mate’s, and Jon’s Uncle’s place. Comfy houses. Good food. Damn good food. They all went above and beyond. Really. With friendlies or strangers though, you’re honestly just grateful to get the room or a space for the van on the curb. A nice shower maybe. Actually, that reminds me…

A few years ago, we played a house show in Greenville, NC. After the show, this one guy said to me:

“You know…there’s a shower upstairs if you want to take one”

“No, that’s cool man. Thanks though”

“That was a great set”

“Thanks!”

“You guys got a lot of energy”

“Yep”

“Sweaty”

“…yeah…”

“There’s a shower upstairs if you want to take one”

“Yeah, I…appreciate the offer”

“No problem man! Wanna beer?”

“Sure. I’ll take one” (I reach out)

“I’ve been looking forward to this week all month. Schlitz is on sale. I’ve been saving” (I am not reaching anymore because I have a Schlitz story, a skunked Schlitz story, that I don’t want to recall…ever. In print. In actual life. Doesn’t matter.)

I said “Actually, we’ve got to get going”

“You sure man?”

“Yeah. Gotta…go…to…uh…”

“Aw man”

“You know how it goes…donating blood…church…and…uh… all that”

“Well, there’s a shower upstairs if you want to take one before you leave”

I found out on the drive home that he did this with everyone in the band.

It freaked Beth out the most.

Jason

*Scientifically proven. See AAA Guide to Rock Towns ‘Dangerous Thoughts as My Husband Snores’, Kutchma B., 1998 Vol 3, pp. 34-36; Get Out of the Van ‘Someone Kick Jay in the Head’, Truesdale, J., 2008, pp. 104-8; Newsweek ‘Poll- Which Is Worse: Your Lead Singer’s Snoring or Ego?’, Jackson M., 2009 Issue 7, pp. 4-9